The New Black
• Homosexuals: After the Winter Olympics it seems everyone is going a little bit gay. Rainbows all round.
• Our Onesie: It’s become a staple. And we’re sorry for that. But it’s the only thing that will keep us warm.
(Note: We’d never sink low enough to wear it outside. Honest!)
• Hot Pink: We want our pink shirt back!
• Pizza: Need we say more. It’s even started texting us its deals. AND WE CAN’T RESIST ANYMORE.
Croc Equivalent
• Online Shopping: Nothing is ever the right size/colour/fit. Let’s shut the Internet down, go all Mary Portas and bring back the high street.
• Summer Beach Bod: This layer of fat is to protect us from the current cold weather. We’ll cut out carbs soon. Maybe.
• Festival Tickets: With no money in our bank accounts the closest we are going to get to a weekend of live music and suspicious substances is an ancient folk band and a gooseberry jam at our local Village Fete.
• Wind: We thought life in Lancaster would be a breeze but with these hurricane force winds we are starting to reconsider! #AwfulPun #SorryNotSorry
