The man with no anus (part 2)

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Part 1 of this series was a little ‘Things you need to know’ introduction. I told you a bit about the population of North Korea, its economy, and most notably its Commander-in-chief, El Presidente, Supreme leader Kim Jong-un. The man with no anus. Now I am going to build on that knowledge and discuss the most recent developments in the Tale of Two Koreas. As the term comes to a close and deadlines begin looming over all of us, student life becomes even more difficult. So maybe there’s comfort in knowing that things could be a lot worse, and that at least for now Kimmy is considering trading in his nukes for a Cadillac (Billy Joel reference).

This information comes from high-ranking North Korean delegates in Pyeongchang, South Korea. The officials decided to pay their neighbour a visit for the closing ceremony of the 2018 Winter Olympics. The visit must have gone well because South Korean president Moon Jae-in said the officials told him that their country was willing to begin talks with the US. Hooray for South Korean hospitality! This definitely came as a surprise to the rest of the world, particularly because we saw Kimmy on the News giving a press conference on how the proposed US sanctions were “an act of war.” So what’s really going on here? Is Kimmy all bark and no bite? Is the man with no anus, putting up a bold front, whilst making deals through the backdoor? Is that even possible? Well, it certainly seems that way.

I don’t know what it is about the Winter Olympics, but in a weird paradoxical way it seems to have melted Kimmy’s cold heart. Maybe it was the African nations making history by simply competing, or the elegant figure skaters in their sparkly attire giving him outfit inspiration. Regardless of what it was that affected him so deeply, the signs were there from the start. At the start of the Olympics the North and South Korean athletes marched together under a flag of a united Korean Peninsula. Since their breakup in 1950, tensions between the two have been high, particularly now. The display of this flag at this moment has reignited hope that the two nations can at the very least coexist peacefully. Also, even though the North Korean team didn’t bring home any shining gold medals of Kimmy, they remained enthusiastic till the very end. The Supreme leader was gracious enough to release, I mean delegate, 229 of the country’s finest cheerleaders to boost the morale of their fellow countrymen. They had some very interesting cheers, that put whatever it is we do during Roses to shame.

Given all the signs, I’m not completely surprised by the information from the North Korean officials. I believe the US sanctions have played a big part in Kimmy’s newfound love of discourse. Trump initially threatened that if he didn’t give up his toys he “will be met with fire and fury the likes of which the world has never seen.” The most recent US sanctions are said to be the “heaviest ever.” They target the transfer of fuel and coal on the high seas which North Korea depends on to run its nuclear programs, and help sustain its already struggling economy. It appears the US has twisted North Korea’s arm and it is about to cry ‘uncle’. Hopefully these talks (if they happen) will involve the nuclear disarmament of at least one of these countries. For now though, I’m just content that the scoreboard reads US: 1, North Korea: 0.

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