Capricorn
Dec 22-Jan 20
The vile knitted Christmas jumper from Gran doesn’t have to be a burden; if you can’t find a hipster who thinks it looks “retro vintage yeah” to give it to then ram it under your front door to keep out that winter draught!
Aquarius
Jan 21-Feb 17
Change is in the stars this fortnight, Aquarius! Alteration is afoot, transformation is trotting towards you, modification will be master when conversion comes and you bash your head off a thesaurus and become Little Miss Synonym 2011. Brilliant! Luminous! Incandescent?
Pisces
Feb 18-Mar 20
Festive fun over, it’s back to the grind and the deadlines; it is predicted you will come over all blue in January with nothing to look forward to. Get your flat to throw an Amy Winehands party: you’re a student in your prime.
Aries
Mar 21-Apr 19
It is predicted you will get consistently caught up in those chilly Sugarhouse queues, Aries. Apparently though, the queuing wall is made from the same bricks as platform 9¾! Give yourself a long run up if you’re nervous.
Taurus
Apr 20-May 21
Saturn is wavering; you will have to make a big decision very soon! Maybe it’s about doing a year abroad, taking a job offer or lecture vs. no lecture. Think like Saturn, Taurus, if you want it then put a ring on it. Good luck.
Gemini
May 22-Jun 20
Watch out, Gemini, that whiney flatmate will catch you in the corridor this week when you’re in a hurry, bothering you about the recycling and odour from your room. Run! She’ll make you later than the completion of Alex Square.
Cancer
Jun 21-Jul 22
It is foretold in the stars that you will be Mr Nice Guy to start off the term; lending your coat to the cold and your money to the poor. Someone you live with will really need your support, so go earn some good friend brownie points.
Leo
Jul 23-Aug 22
Your time at home has really made you appreciate your uni friends. You will attempt to express this new found affection to them through cooking favours and spontaneous hugs. Don’t get too teary or they will think you are unwell.
Virgo
Aug 23-Sep 22
Procrastination over the holidays has come back to bite you where it hurts! Silly Virgo, you will miss all the fresh term fun! Unless, that is, you purchase a small intelligent rodent to patter about on the keys until genius flows.
Libra
Sep 23-Oct 22
Time spent at home with the rents being good for Santa has sent your alcohol tolerance plummeting. Take it easy, Libra, or it is predicted you’ll be dragging traffic cones to your room to decorate with squirty cream and vomit.
Scorpio
Oct 23-Nov 21
After a frankly traumatic Christmas at home in what felt like Armageddon, you discover you have a penchant and aptitude for arguing and throwing objects long distance. Head to Refreshers Fair to find an outlet for your skills.
Sagittarius
Nov 22-Dec 21
Santa put a new partner in your stocking this Christmas, ooh giggedy! Unfortunately your pals will not like the new meat, putting you between a rock and a hard place. Make new friends, Saggy, your existing ones are clearly dire people.
