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The New Black
• Rihanna’s Breasts: Currently gracing every high fashion magazine. If you’re not a RiRi tit then I’m afraid you’re off-trend.
• Star Wars 7: Is it wrong we are a little excited? Princess Leia is like an intergalactic Cara Delevingne. Or something…
• Emma Stone: WE LOVE HER. Google her lip-sync with Jimmy Fallon now.
• White Heeled Sandals: We’re being specific. They will be impossible to keep clean but for the first five minutes you wear them you will look FLAWLESS.
• Dissertation Beards: Like an undergraduate snake you’ve finally shed your dissertation/essay skin. Please do the same with that god damn beard. (I don’t mean your girlfriend – give that time)
• iPhone Cases: Reaching new heights of tackiness. Google Jeremy Scott Fries case. (It’s amaze) The iPhone is so fragile and sexy. Using a case is like putting a bin bag on a Geisha. Or something…
• Top Knots: The current on-trend men’s hairstyle. We have a shaved head and by the time we grow one they’ll be about as trendy as a bowl cut. Annoying.
• Ejector Seat: ITV’s new Andi Peters fronted daytime quiz show. WHERE IS TIPPING POINT? WHERE IS THE CHASE? Us students can’t handle change!