The Man with no Anus (part 1)


Who is the man with no anus? Is he some sort of mythical creature- half man, half mermaid? Is he a misunderstood being, fearful of the outside world? Or is he simply a M.A.D king on the brink of an epic battle? In this three part series I will be exploring the complex and fast-paced world of the man with no anus, A.K.A North Korean President Kim Jong-un.

Whilst most of us have been hearing a lot about North Korea recently (a place we often forget even exists), what’s worse is that the word “nuclear” is often somewhere in the same sentence. And this of course makes North Korea hard to ignore. Yet it seems that the average Lancaster student doesn’t know very a lot about the totalitarian State, much less the man running it. This is somewhat understandable, after all we’ve all got student loans and TV shows to keep us busy. But with the situation in North Korea becoming more and more distressing, this is definitely one Kim that we all need to be “keeping up with”.

For this first part I’ll take you through some of the basics you should know about North Korea, as well as challenging what you think you know. Now, if when you read the words North Korea your first thought was, “uhh K-Pop!” you, my friend, would be sorely mistaken. K-Pop, i.e. Korean Pop is actually an export of South Korea- North Korea’s younger, more attractive and more popular sibling. South Korea separated from the North after the 1950 Korean War, during which the US sided with the Southern part of then Korea because of their mutual love of Capitalism.

The North seemed to prefer Communism, which might explain why they get along so well with China, who accounts for approximately 90% of their Trade deals. Fun fact: some Chinese owned companies actually manufacture their products in North Korea, but still use “Made in China” labels, as “Made in North Korea” labels likely won’t be well received in the average Western Consumers market.

Another thing you should know is that while the song, “Bang Bang Bang” by the Big Bang (Google it! It’s a great song) best describes the Korean War; it doesn’t come close to how North Korea feels about the U.S. today. North Korea has had a huge grudge on America since the war and has erected War museums so it never forgets just how ‘evil’ America is. Talk about bad blood.

Since inheriting the throne on 28th December, 2011, Supreme Leader Kimmy has allowed this anti- American propaganda to fuel his hunger for nuclear power. Paranoid that the Americans could attack at any second, Kimmy has been testing his nukes for years, a recent example of which is his missile tests over Japan. Japan! A country where, to this day, the effects of the last nuclear warfare are still visible. Now that sounds evil.

It has taken a lot of work but North Korea now holds the title of the 4th largest nuclear power in the world. Thankfully, experts say that Kimmy lacks the Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles (ICBMs) needed to actually launch an attack on the U.S. But who can say how much longer it will be before Kimmy gets some new toys.

Next time I’ll be examining what the 24 million people who live in North Korea think about their Supreme leader, his nukes, and if they truly believe he has no anus.




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