From bed to seminar in five minutes: a guide to looking great with minimum effort


I’m writing this article sat on the 09:43 100 bus from The Park Hotel to The Underpass, late, to my one, half-hour, in-person seminar of the week (FREN200, if anyone’s wondering). Dear reader, you may be wondering to yourself ‘why on earth is Noah telling me this?’. Well, first of all, rude. Secondly, I’m going to tell you about my five minute, get up and go, roll out of bed for a 9 (or in my case 10) AM beauty routine.

The first thing I do is cleanse my face; as we’re in a rush, I take my Neutrogena Hydroboost Gelée milk on a large cotton pad to wipe off the remains of my nighttime routine. I follow up with a quick swipe of The Inkey List’s PHA, a gentle acid toner and their Brighten-I Eye Cream. What I love about the eye cream is that it has both brightening Vitamin C and light-reflecting mica to brighten up the Birkins for both the long and short term, you could almost see it as an under-eye primer! I then use The Ordinary’s NMF+HA, a super lightweight moisturiser. This takes about two minutes, depending on how fast I’m going.

I’m now at the point at which my rapid beauty regime has changed because of mask wearing. Ordinarily, I’d be slathering my beloved Weleda Skin Food all over my face but alas, mascne is here to stay.

On to makeup, even though half of my face is obscured, I still hate leaving the house with a bare face. My absolute favourite ever product is Charlotte Tilbury’s Hollywood Flawless Filter; its difficult to exactly quantify the magic of this primer-cum-tinted moisturiser-cum-highlighter without describing it in exactly the way Ms Tilbury herself would, dahling, as simply making your base look flawless! I put HFF on my cheekbones, forehead & under my eyes (and I’ll dab a bit on my chin, nose, upper lip, and jaw just to feel something) and then I blend (or do the Tilbury Tap dahlings).

I then use my Kryolan TV Paint Stick to even out my skin tone. I know you’ll be thinking that I’m nuts to use stage makeup for a 5 min face however, the way I apply it makes all the difference. I take a small, flat brush and apply the foundation where I need it and then take a larger, fluffier brush to blend everything together, this way I don’t look cakey but clean.

I. Love. Blush.

Even though most of my cheeks are covered by my mask, I’ll never not wear blush with my makeup. At the moment I’m loving NARS’ Orgasm X, a more intense, deeper version of their classic bestseller. As I love my blush, I put it everywhere I can, across my nose, all over my cheeks and cheekbones, and then up over my eyes. I also take Fenty’s Hu$tla Baby highlighter into my inner corner and under my eyebrows, Rihanna remains supreme (as she should). Finishing off my eyes, I go in with Lash Paradise from L’Oréal Paris which is just a decent cheap mascara.

All of us who wear makeup daily know that we do it for ourselves, and it’s for that reason why I still fill in my lips! I take a Give Face Cosmetics nude-rose coloured pencil and then top it off with Glossier’s Rose Balmdotcom. 

There we have it, my roll out of bed beauty routine for an early morning rush to campus.

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