Lancaster Assassins
Paranoia Meets Wooden Spoon: SCAN Vs Lancaster Assassins


While other assassins found refuge amongst friends and societies, several assassins contacted SCAN looking for support. It’s safe to say, SCAN was ready to cause some chaos.

On the 27th April 2022, Lancaster University was invaded by 166 assassins armed with wooden spoons. Each assassin was told to kill or be killed for the chance to win a cash prize. Survival would be no easy feat, especially with SCAN on the prowl.

Target: Elliot Chubb

Elliot Chubb wasn’t particularly suspicious when SCAN requested an interview. In fact, he was more concerned about where to hold the interview than whether or not it was a set-up.

Chubb eventually agreed to meet outside the Ruskin Museum. This offered him a good vantage point to spot any approaching assassins as well as multiple exits.

During the interview, Chubb said that Lancaster Assassins had definitely made him more paranoid and had been quite nerve-racking. “Knowing someone has your name on their spoon puts you on edge,” explained Chubb.

However, despite the game being quite stressful, Chubb agreed that it should have been established sooner. He felt that this type of game could have really helped students’ mental health during the Pandemic.

When asked what he would like to say to his assassin, Chubb replied, “The Lannisters send their regards” and that he hopes they get careless.

Despite remaining cautious throughout the interview, Elliot Chubb was sadly killed shortly after and forced to hand in his wooden spoon. Although his last words are unknown, if his interview proves accurate, his death should have been accompanied by a “why now” and a long stare.  

Target: Max Kafula

Since SCAN had interviewed Max Kafula previously, requesting another interview didn’t seem suspicious at all. Kafula even agreed for the interview to be held in town, putting himself in unnecessary danger.

Ironically, during the interview, Kafula focused on strategy and tactics. Since his own target was very inactive on social media, he had explored new avenues. One tactic which seemed especially crafty was using Moodle to find subject timetables so that he could ambush people after lectures.

Kafula also spoke about what he would spend the prize money on if he won. He thought a small trophy with ‘Best Lancaster Assassin 2022’ would be a fun memento.

After the interview, Max Kafula was killed by his assassin who had been patiently waiting outside the door for over an hour.

Target: OnlyLancs

When SCAN reached out to OnlyLancs for an interview, several friends and deceased assassins warned them not to attend. However, the campus celebrity failed to heed their words and eventually agreed to an interview in the library.

During the interview, OnlyLancs confirmed that participating in Lancaster Assassins had made them extremely paranoid, especially in public places. Even grocery shopping had become nerve-racking with assassins around every corner.

However, despite the paranoia, OnlyLancs agreed that the game should become an annual tradition amongst students. They even suggested they would be interested in helping organise Lancaster Assassins next year.

Once the interview had ended, OnlyLancs was tragically killed by their assassin who was waiting in the lobby. Although very shocked at their untimely death, OnlyLancs praised the ingenuity behind the interview set-up.

For more information about Lancaster Assassins, click the link here

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