England team left stumped after Ashes go missing

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Horror swept the cricket world today as it was officially announced that the English cricket team had lost the Ashes. The statement by the ECB confirmed the speculation that they had been lost in transit between the team’s departure from London and arrival in Sydney. The 14 cm high terracotta urn is now the subject of the largest global search in known history as cricket fans all over the world hope to find it before the tournament starts on November 25th.

‘It wouldn’t surprise me if somebody nicked it,’ said England’s wicketkeeper Matt Prior. ‘Usually the side would fly with British Airways but there was a c*ck-up at ECB headquarters and we ended up getting a flight with Qantas. That Aussie cabin crew looked shifty, we had 4 Bruce’s and 12 Sheila’s attending to our needs, and I couldn’t help but think something fishy was going on’.

When told about Matt Prior’s controversial comments, Australian captain Ricky Ponting said, ‘struth! I didn’t think Matty had a xenophobic bone in him, mate. Mind you, I wouldn’t trust them bloody poms to get anything 10,000 miles across the world, unless you’re talking about 165,000 convicts.’

As of yet both Australian & British police have yet to come up with a solution to the missing trophy, however England’s team-director Andy Flower said, ‘it’s only a matter of time before the urn shows up. It’s probably just in Broady’s bag or something, wedged between a copy of Nuts & his packed lunch.’

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