Five of the Craziest Conspiracy Theories (and why they’re bullshit)

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Here at SCAN, we like to hold ourselves to at least a minimal standard of rational debate. Our comment section takes in a wide variety of views and the publication of a particular opinion isn’t ever influenced by the Editor’s own views on whether or not they have the right idea. Put simply, we try to be respectful.

But there are just some views out there which are so crazy that the only potential course of action is to laugh at and ridicule them. We’re all aware of people with some of these views – people who think that the moon landing was a hoax perpetrated by the US government or the so-called 9/11 Truthers who think that the Bush Administration had the will, money and competence to cover up the murder of 3,000 of its own citizens. What you might not have been aware of is that there is a vast wealth of crazy bullshit out there and it’s our pleasure to let you know about a few of these views. Views like:

5. Freeman-on-the-Land


What is it?

The belief that following the law is optional, but the police and judges don’t tell you that fact.

Wait, what?

Adherents to this theory are under the impression that there are two forms of law: statute law and common law. Common law, they say, is simply the principle of do no harm and so you may be arrested or prosecuted if your conduct harms another person. Statute law, on the other hand, relies on the consent of the governed. If you choose to withdraw your consent, then there’s nothing the police can do to stop you from, say, paying your rent or driving your car without a license.

“What seems to be the problem, officer?”

Why it’s bullshit:

If you want to put this theory into practise, then expect to be spending the night in a police cell whilst officers laugh at your misfortune. There’s so much wrong with this theory that it’s impossible to know where to start, but suffice to say that the idea that common law is simply a golden rule style principle, rather than laws made by the courts and binding by precedent, is only slightly less ridiculous than the idea that statute law is optional. Statutes are laws handed down by Parliament and they are a higher form of law than common law. The notion of consent refers to elections and not a simple yes/no decision as to whether you feel like paying your taxes.

Source: http://www.fmotl.com/

4. Paul McCartney Has Been Dead Since 1967


What is it?

During the recording sessions for Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, Paul McCartney angrily stormed out during a row with John Lennon and subsequently died in a car crash. The Beatles then found someone to act as his replacement, who has been pretending to be McCartney ever since.

Wait, what?

The evidence for this, proponents say, can be found in various cryptic elements of Beatles songs. For example, the cover of Sgt. Pepper’s and Abbey Road can be seen to resemble funeral processions or undertakers marching. Furthermore, various lyrics seem to suggest the incidents described, such as the “He blew his mind out in a car / he didn’t notice that the lights had changed” line in A Day In The Life. Also, listen to the end of Strawberry Fields Forever again. Isn’t that Lennon saying “I buried Paul”?

Why it’s bullshit:

Lennon is actually saying “cranberry sauce.” The Beatles inserted plenty of LSD-inspired nonsense in the latter half of their career, much of which was misinterpreted by people (often with terrifying consequences, such as Charles Manson’s interpretation of Piggies as a call for race war). Even if The Beatles were able to find someone who looked exactly like Paul McCartney, they would still need to find someone able to suspend self-doubt for long enough to waste a large portion of the money for Abbey Road on Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.

Source: http://digilander.libero.it/jamespaul/fc1.html

3. Heavy Metal Artists Insert Backwards, Satanic Messages Into Their Songs


What is it?

We all know that heavy metal is evil, satanic music,  but it’s actually more corrupting than we first suspected. These guys are actually inserting subliminal messages in their albums to get you to kill yourself.

Wait, what?

Apparently bands with humbucked guitars and Marshall half-stacks really hate their fans and work out ingenious ways to get them to voluntarily snuff it, one of which is putting backwards messages into songs. It’s said that Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven contains a backwards verse which is a homage to Satan and that Ozzy Osbourne’s Suicide Solution is not a song about the perils of alcoholism, but is in fact designed to convince people to commit suicide.

It’d be hard not to accept advice from these guys.

Why it’s bullshit:

Some of you reading this are likely to know psychology students who will tell you outright why this theory is wrong. Even if we take it as true that artists are inserting backwards messages into their songs to convince them to do certain things, the next step is to state that your brain processes everything it hears twice, once consciously forward, and one subconsciously backward, which is where the metal bands take advantage of you. This also supposes that Judas Priest, the band who wrote the line “Grinder – looking for meat / Grinder – wants you to eat” have the most subtle and pernicious manipulative capacity of anybody ever.

Source: http://www.reversespeech.com/judas.htm

2. Reptilians Run the World


What is it?

A concept invented by the professionally insane David Icke, which states that various heads of state and pop cultural icons are, in fact, human/reptile hybrids.

Wait, what?

Yeah, we know what you’re thinking. We kind of wish it was true as well. It’s one of those things which sounds like it’s lifted straight from an Ed Wood movie. Suffice to say, Icke offers up no evidence for his claims, but does inform us that the reason for all the war and suffering in the world is that the reptilians feed on human sadness. That’s…kind of adorable, actually.

Why it’s bullshit:

It seems almost superfluous to have to explain why this one is stupid, but if you fancy a laugh then go online and check out what this theory’s proponents consider evidence. There are videos of George W. Bush licking his lips, which apparently proves that his father was a snake, or something. We don’t really understand it either, to be honest. Then there’s the look-alike comparisons of Queen Elizabeth II with a komodo dragon, which is just mean.

Source: http://www.davidicke.com/articles/reptilian-agenda-mainmenu-43

1. Timecube


What is it?

From the website: “Earth has 4-corner simultaneous 4-day Time Cube in only 24-hour rotation. 4 corner days, cubes 4 quad Earth. No 1-day God.”

Wait, what?

Beneath the unintelligible prose, Dr. Gene Ray (or to use his full academic title, Gene Ray) seems to be suggesting that modern physics has in fact got it all wrong. The idea that the Earth completes a full rotation on its axis in one day is a lie posited by “dumb ass educator”. The actual truth is when the sun shines upon the Earth, two major time points are created (Midday and Midnight), which synergise to create two minor time points (Sunrise and Sundown). This in turn creates four simultaneous 24-hour days. Makes sense.

Why it’s bullshit:

Gene Ray has offered $10,000 to any academics able to disprove his theory and so far nobody has taken him up on his offer. This is, however, less to do with his theory actually being true than the fact that trying to disprove Timecube is like trying to disprove the notion that Ron Jeremy is the God of Fertility. It’s doubtful that anybody other than Gene believes this theory, but nonetheless he has attracted enough attention to have been invited to give a lecture on Timecube at the Massachusets Institute of Technology, which just proves that you can be invited to lecture on just about anything.

Source: http://www.timecube.com/

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