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Wake up. Yes, you. What, you’ve been recovering in bed for the entire summer holiday? You’ve still got a twitch in your eye because you got that drunk at Extrav? Get a grip; the weeks are ticking down and before you know it you’ll be back for another year, ready to do it all again.
Hopefully, you are finally recovering enough to get more than a little exicted for the new year. It is now the perfect time for me to look back on one slightly hazy first year of University, in which some valuable lessons have been learned.
1. Survival of the sweetest
Oh yes. Our dear Sugarhouse may be the home of some truly fabulous nights out, but there are some rules to stick to. And, speaking of sticking… never stand in one place for too long. You will stick to the floor. Make sure your shoes have next to no grip, or you will be immobilized by years of spilt beer, sweat and, well, best not to dwell on that one.
2. The Drunken Lancastrian
Here’s the lowdown. You live in a city of cobbled streets. Ladies, that means your finest stilettos will break your legs. Take a responsible sober friend who can nip those great drunken ideas in the bud – spending £7 on a dodgy cocktail in The Lounge really won’t be worth it in the morning. If you go upstairs in Elements/Revs/Friary, remember: what goes up must come down. Get drunk up there, and you’ll be falling back down. And make sure you take a key. If you don’t come home, you do not want to be launching “Operation: Sneak Me” In with your best flatmate at ten the next morning, trust me.
3. Money for munchies
We all blow money on snacks, but there is one place that will eat up your weekly budget more than any other, which leads to a Lancaster Golden Rule: if broke, avoid the market at all costs. You’ll be cursing that half-a-dozen coffee cupcakes when you’re so poor you have to walk to town in the rain because you can’t pull together £2.30 out of coppers.
4. Sleepyhead Student
You know the drill: you wake up to a glorious sunny day, stretch, and take a look at the clock. What? It’s three minutes until your Biology seminar? This last year has taught me that it is indeed possible to get from sleep to seminar room in approximately two-and-a-half minutes. Jeans over pyjamas is the answer – and no one will notice that Pokémon t-shirt you sleep in. Promise.
5. Maybe Not
When drunk, getting someone’s number by serenading them with Call Me Maybe seems like a great idea. It’s not.
So, are you out of bed yet? Come on, get up. Time to get back to Lancaster older, and maybe even slightly wiser. Hopefully, you’ll have your own life lessons that will help you through with a few less bumps and bruises. And maybe have just one less next Extrav.