Money, money, money, isn’t it funny?


So student fees are set to rise? Gulp. More debt, more strain, more worry. Who’d be a student, eh? Well, according to the Government, the answer is just as many people as before. An increase in tuition fees will not affect the demand for university places. Phew! That’s okay then. For a moment there I thought a possible 200% hike in fees might just put some people off higher education, but alas no; a study by the University of Leicester suggests that even an increase to £10,000 would do little to deter 9 out of 10 prospective students. So tuition fees look set to treble and competition for actual university places is going to remain as stiff as ever: terrific.

But I’m sure the Government are correct in their judgement. I mean, why should tuition fees be subsidised by money out of their own coffers? That’s money that could be far better spent on, oh I don’t know, an Olympic Games or a state visit by some pious fella in a pointed hat. Money well spent, I’m sure you will agree. In fact, come to think about it, those damned pesky prescription things are quite heavily subsidised too; time to tighten the purse strings. After all, what’s £20 for something that’s going to make you feel better? Bargain. It’s not like demand is going to fall; people are always going to become sick. I’m sure 90% of sick people wouldn’t be put off seeking medical help if prescription prices trebled – besides, the tight-fisted 10% are likely to be a bunch of wasters anyway. No doubt the sort of people who haven’t even been to university.

Now, what else could we save a few quid on? That fuel stuff seems to be quite a popular commodity. I’ll tell you what, bump up the price of that too. Chances are if it ends up being a harsh winter a good 90% of cold people will manage not to die, and let’s be honest, the other 10% most likely won’t have a home or a car to feed with fuel anyway…with a decidedly average education and pathetically ill health they’d struggle to get up of a morning, let alone make it all the way to a car dealer or estate agent.

You see; once you take a step back and put it all into perspective it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?

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