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The New Black
• Clothes: It’s cold out there. Who cares whether they are trendy or not. Wear them. Otherwise you will get hyperthermia and die.
• Knitwear: Available at Christmas ANYWHERE. For a cheaper option hold an OAP’s Werther’s Originals ransom until they knit you one.
• Natural Hair: Sitting at the hairdressers is boring. Let’s all forget about dying our hair. It’s expensive. You could use that extra money on more beer at your town centre’s German Christmas market. Anyway, your natural colour is great. You were born this way etc.
• Accidental Fashionistas: That person who always looks amazing and has no idea they are doing it. That top compliments those shoes BY CHANCE! We hate them but their Facebook tagged photos are basically our Vogue.
• Shorts: Anyone wearing them at this time of year is a w*****. Or going swimming.
• The Capitols fashion: Yes this is a Hunger Games reference. Have they all taken acid? They maybe rich but are they also blind?! (Side note: #teamgale)
• Claustrophobia: Retail outlets are too busy. We’re staying away. No presents for anyone this year. No scarf for your mental Aunty Shirley. Soz Shirley.