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I don’t know if anyone else has noticed it recently, but there seem to be a lot of owls knocking about in the daytime around campus. I was always under the impression that owls were nocturnal, but clearly not the ones at Lancaster University.
It truly was a mystery, and then one sober Friday night I cracked it. The owls have grown sick and tired of being awake at the same time as students, screeching around on their way back from the Sugarhouse; our owly friends should be the ones who are screeching around, doing their owly business.
I know you’re all having a hoot, but think of the owls. When you come back from a night on the lash, think of the little owl children getting up for school; think of the owl students with their essays in owlology due in later that day, desperately edging towards the word count. Do it for the owls: let them sleep.
It should be noted, this letter is just an attempt to get students to be quieter when coming home from their wild nights out. I know what it’s like, I was one once. But now some of us have a dissertation to write, and the only joy to be found in life is potentially having a joke letter printed in SCAN. This is my life now, pity me.