Sport Distort: Pienaar relieved by Gray dismissal

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A beaming Stephen Pienaar today described his feelings of “great joy and relief” in the aftermath of Andy Gray’s sacking from Sky Sports. Gray was reprimanded for making sexist comments about lineswoman Sian Massey, and Pienaar was keen to stress that Gray’s behaviour was nothing new – having been on the receiving end for many years himself.

“Andy Gray think’s I’m a woman.” Pienaar claimed bluntly to gathered reporters. “He’s called me Stephanie ever since I moved to England and made me the butt of hundreds of his sexist jokes. Whenever Sky were covering Everton he’d always be there, telling me to get back in the kitchen or do some ironing. It was always very distressing and demeaning, especially what with me being a man.”

Pienaar’s tales of Gray’s actions are rather demeaning indeed. The Spurs winger recalled one instance away to West Ham when a leering Gray, clearly drunk on ginger beer and snuff, staggered down to pitchside from the commentary box and demanded that the South African make him a sandwich. When Pienaar tried to explain that not only were Gray’s comments out of order but that he was too busy hassling Julian Faubert, Gray simply burped loudly and threatened to give Pienaar “what for”.

The fleet-footed Avatar also recounted another incident at home to Fulham. This time a swaggering Gray bore down upon the player in the tunnel at Goodison Park, smacking him on the backside before making sure that he let all of the men out of the tunnel first. “He kept calling me Toots,” Pienaar lamented.

Signed by Harry Redknapp in exchange for a bag of flat footballs, some training cones and two boxes of broken Latvian alarm clocks, Pienaar believes that the dismissal of Gray will send a clear message to the footballing world concerning the sport’s attitude to sexism. Gray’s dishonourable discharge was soon followed by the resignation of his accomplice Richard Keys – a despondent Keys, seen shuffling away from Sky HQ earlier this evening, was heard muttering: “This just proves that women have no banter.”

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