Spectacular scenes unfolded within the Louvre today as esteemed art curators moved to incinerate the original canvas of the Mona Lisa, swiftly replacing it with an everlasting YouTube video of Wayne Rooney’s match winning bicycle kick against Manchester City. The museum’s board of directors voted unanimously in favour of the decision to torch Leonardo da Vinci’s world renowned masterpiece, proclaiming that a new cultural zenith had been found in Rooney’s strike.
Where the timeless portrait once stood, visitors to the esteemed gallery now encounter an interactive tribute to Rooney’s shinned strike that sees the same 55 second clip of the goal repeated ad infinitum. Curious punters can also request Martin Tyler and Alan Smith’s vapid commentary in French, Italian, Spanish, Latin and Sanskrit, and may also experience a recreation of Rooney’s messianic celebration through the medium of jaunty Parisien electro house.
“As lifelong students and professors of the arts, we’ve encountered our fair share of unparalleled genius.” remarked head curator Gaspard Dupont to Sport Distort. “We have revelled at Rembrandt’s Storm, Monet’s Water Lilies, and Van Gogh’s Sunflowers. But as soon as Wayno got the ball in his sights today, we knew we were in the presence of pure, undiluted inspiration.”
The old man paused, then burst into tears with joy. ”After it flew in, the decision to immolate our archive of classic paintings seemed obvious. Years of meditation, dedication and meticulous brushwork are all well and good, but Rooney just has that instinct and sheer natural ability. He didn’t even have a good game overall, which proves how good he is.”
Swiftly dubbed Goal of the Season by pundits and fans alike, it seems that Rooney’s apparent brilliance has not gone unnoticed in the art world either. Other galleries and collectors across the world appear keen to follow in the footsteps of the Louvre’s artistic revolution – Leeds Royal Armories have discarded four 11th century ballistas to make space for Faustino Asprilla’s old Mercedes, whilst the British Museum were pleased to announce swapping their one surviving copy of Blake’s Songs of Innocence and Experience for Jamie Carragher’s seminal autobiography, Carra.
