Dating needn’t be of the Mr Darcy days

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With many of my friends getting into relationships, it has made me stop and rethink the whole concept of ‘dating’ and even ‘romance’ and whether these are actually as part of our love lives as they were in the past. Have they become old fashioned? Maybe times have simply just changed. It seems to me that the oh-so-romantic first step to even having a chance with anyone nowadays involves considerable intoxication, getting with someone, then jumping into the sack. If you’re lucky you may exchange numbers then later meet up for 2-for-1 Bella Italia or Orange Wednesdays. I don’t know about you but this is not the kind of thing I ever dreamt of as a teenager or what I see in the movies.

Some may accuse me for being a typical soppy female but even after asking some trusty male friends, they say that romance is lost; one said we hone our animal instincts more than ever- we see, we like, we pounce, we (facebook) stalk, and we hope the person from last night is how we remembered. Another describes nightclubs as a car showroom, we go in, see what we fancy, pick it, ride it, and then do more research on it to see if we like it. Even in the 1980s, just thirty years ago this was not the case. I’ve been told that guys would go out to a club or bar and if they liked someone, they’d talk to them, get their number then later give them a call if they were lucky. Now it seems we grasp any available opportunity, and for many, their first official date is in fact an intoxicated quickie that they barely remember.

It seems that if you can’t find someone on a night out, you’re pretty buggered. Society today says you can’t go into a café anymore and find a girl that catches your eye, smile at her and go and see how she is. In fact, you can’t approach someone on their own anywhere who so happens to catch your eye without being labelled as some sort of weirdo. No, all you need to do is sleep or at least get with them first.

How I see it ,is that there is surge of sexual energy which overrides simple gestures such as holding hands out in public, and it seems that romance is on its death bed. Dating is not at all what it was. Candle lit dinners seem a no-go and walking along the beach on a summer evening is perhaps too cliché. I also think that the whole attitude towards the point of dating has changed to a more ‘try before you buy’ attitude; dating is more about making your mind up about someone which I don’t think is particularly romantic, whereas in the past if you took someone on a date it meant you genuinely had feelings for them. I know I have gone off in a slight tangent with this article. I guess my overall point is that dating is not necessarily old fashioned but, for me, the love and the romance that should be part of a date has been lost, and this shouldn’t be the case.

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3 Comments

  1. “the oh-so-romantic first step to even having a chance with anyone nowadays involves considerable intoxication, getting with someone, then jumping into the sack. If you?re lucky you may exchange numbers then later meet up for 2-for-1 Bella Italia or Orange Wednesdays.”

    ^ When you say ‘anyone’, do you mean promiscuous people? Every relationship or near relationship I’ve been in has involved meeting someone, asking if I could see them some more and taking it from there. Where in God’s name are you getting your information from?

    “some trusty male friends”

    ^ There we are, then.

    “Even in the 1980s, just thirty years ago this was not the case.”

    ^ It really was. You’re also suggesting that ‘nights out’ are the only arenas in which relationships are founded. They really aren’t.

  2. Another poorly researched, substanceless and utterly without point triumph from the Lifestyle section.

  3. Rubbish.

    Is romance the same as in fiction? No, of course not. We don’t expect literal sparks and heat shooting down our spines when we hold hands, and we don’t literally drown in another person’s eyes. I mean, it’s shocking, but I’m starting to think that Edward Cullen might not actually exist. And as for Mr. Darcy… well, I’m not bitter there or anything…

    Does that mean, because our lives don’t match up to fiction, that we have no romance? Of course not. Yes, there is more of a chop-and-change culture at the moment, but it’s not an EXCLUSIVE culture. Think of someone that you want to spend a single drunken night with, and then think of someone you want to spend your life with. I doubt they’re the same person.

    I am friends with all the people I’ve ever dated… and remained friends after we broke up. I met one in a theatre group. He was playing the lead, and I was a lowly chorus girl… *sigh* Oh, sorry. I drifted off then. Let me tell you about my brother’s fiance, because surely two people in the same family can’t both have romantic moments. Except the bit where he sprained his ankle on the beach, and she cradled him in her arms until the helicopter arrived. And the bit where he left poems around the house for her every morning before work…

    Romance isn’t dead. But if you’re looking for it in the Carlton, you’re more likely to find it stuck to the bottom of your shoe than if you look at the friends who actually care about you.

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