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The New Black
•. Crap Telly: Rejoice in your love of trashy reality TV and their skimpy outfits. Three cheers to Splash!
• Cadbury’s Creme Eggs: You’re meant to eat all six, right?
• Jennifer Lawrence: Everything she says is magical. [When asked about her dress] “So this is the top… and this is the bottom.” MAGICAL.
• American Hustle: Jennifer Lawrence in a wig? Say no more.
• 2014: This year is so last year. Fashion houses will already be thinking of next year. Keep up!
• Flowers: We don’t want them. Not even next week. Honest. *weeps*
• Gym Kit: You shed out the cash to shed the pounds. Now you’re both sat there collecting dust. This is typical you!
• Sequins: Leave ‘em to Dancing on Ice and the drag queens. *gasps* Now there is an idea for crap telly lovers!