Run fit boy run

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Photo by SmithGreg

January and February are the perfect months to start a diet or join the gym; which is exactly what me and my two friends have done. We bought some new trainers and booked our gym induction at the Sports Centre ready to sweat it out in the hope of losing a few pounds. However, when taking our tour around the gym we noticed the rare species that is; attractive males. They dominate this part of the university, flexing their toned masculine bodies, looking around with their chiselled jaw lines and putting everyone else to shame. That day marked the start of our gym gawping routine.

The weights room is the perfect place to begin this routine; with the scent of bare testosterone looming in the air, the perfect place for a good distraction on the small cardio section they have in the corner. You mount a machine, plug your headphones in and casually peer around the small, male filled room. The best way to enjoy this experience is if you don’t put your music on or switch on the TV, because then you can hear the pure grunting effort these men go to, to lift these weights- it’s the best soundtrack to your workout ever. Stick around for long enough and they may just take their tops off, that is a pure delight for the eyes. Of course, you can’t go making this too obvious; these guys are there to work out, not to be undressed with your eyes. So in the instance of an emergency, AKA you make eye contact and your jaw has hit the floor because he’s taken his top off and he has a perfect six pack, you need to firstly, stay calm. Now there’s two options here, either look away quickly or continue to stare but slowly close your mouth. The second one, as I have learnt, doesn’t work too well, they tend to leave because you look like a creep. I would stick with the first one, that way you can continue your perving in a few minutes and chances are he’ll work out harder because he knows you’re casually looking.

We then proceed to the upstairs region of the fitness suite. Now in times when this place is busy, it’s normally full of girls and old people and as most people are just too intimidated by the weights room they crowd up here. However the small arrangement of weight machines in the middle of the room makes a great viewing position to stare at someone’s fine behind without them even knowing. For example, there is a row of treadmills on both sides of the room. You find a sexy man, take up a perch on one of the machines behind him and enjoy his arse while you put your machine on a low setting so it looks like you’re doing something. This room isn’t the best place for gym gawping, however occasionally you’ll get someone come onto the machine next to you who is a fine vision and well, that’s just your lucky day. A few tips for in case this happens though; DO NOT do what I did. I recognised someone on the cross trainer next to me, thought I had him on Facebook, searched for him on the little LCD screen, found him, stalked his profile and made it so obvious that he looked at my screen. I left. If this happens, leave right away. You have come across as a creepy stalker and you’ve outstayed your welcome there. Move on to the pool.

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31 Comments

  1. Yeah i can’t believe this made it to print to be honest. It is incredibly sexist, chauvinistic and creepy. I mean why don’t you just go into the men’s changing room and feel up their packages. This is almost as bad as that xenophobic Cartmel article Yamsin wrote. Thanks also for insulting half the world’s population by implying that the vast majority of men are unattractive, i don’t care if it was tongue in cheek it just came across as extremely obnoxious. At best this article was a waste of column inches and made the writer look like a complete pervert.

  2. I completely agree Laurence. Imagine if a guy wrote that referring to women in a gym – he’d be put on some sort of list! I’m sorry, but you’ve just come across as really weird and perverted, and I’m amazed it’s been published.

  3. How did this get past editing? RIP semicolons.

  4. Doh! Seems like people who don’t get this article have never read the other ones in lifestyle section and have totally missed the point that it is meant for crude creative writings.

    Y U no have sense of humour?

  5. With Christmas a distant memory and the decent weather drifting ever nearer, its prime time to take a trip to the gym and get working on that beach body. Recently however, I have discovered more pleasurable reasons to give my self a workout. I’m talking about the dumbell dollies who pound up and down on the step machine giving me more than one reason to sweat the hours away.

    Whilst beginners may prefer to watch them from the comfort of the leg extension, more advanced ooglers may prefer to sneak a peak of their bouncy behinds cosily snuggled in one of the bins in the ladies changing rooms.

    I particularly like a girl who knows her way around a kettle bell, hopefully she’s equally as able with a cooker and an ironing board.

    If the sexy atmosphere of the gym becomes a little bit too exciting, you can always slip into the steamy surroundings of the sauna room on ladies night, where the smoke will keet your late night antics a well kept secret.

    As the sweat gathers on their glistening brows, you may find yourself in need of a cold shower or a private changing room to solve any issues that may have arisen.

    Every now and again, a mistaken minx may find herself hopelessly lost in the sausagefest surroundings of the mens weights room. From then on, all activities cease as an ensuing battle breaks out for said ladies affections. I can’t help but wonder if she wants help with her squat thrusts.

    As I stroll down the spine on my way to my computer science lecture, I count the hours untill I return to the weight lifting wonderland where my fantasies will be realised once again.

  6. ‘fanofscan’ It’s really sad that you took the time to write a mocking reverse article to this. Get a life.

  7. ^ You think that’s bad? You should see the one in the Whistleblower…

  8. Sorry Ella but I actually really enjoyed your article!! I loved the whole tongue in cheek thing going on and just wanted to respond to it with own attempt, i wasnt mocking it at all. Keep up the good work!!

  9. If anyone has any queries as to how I am running the Lifestyle section, I’d love for you to come to one of our next meetings. Would love to see your work……..

  10. I’d be delighted to.

  11. Came here to see what sort of response this had gotten by now. The defence claiming it is a response to the kind of articles that would appear in a lifestyle magazine are terribly flawed. No professional article would be this crude and blatantly sexist, the editors would never allow. And if it was indeed meant to parody such material, the article made no attempt whatsoever to suggest such a thing. The build up of the article felt as though it was going to reach a point, a lesson or some sort of summary about this style of writing and the themes, but it did not. There was no context, no references, no explanation given to why this article was present. Did the writer learn nothing from the numerous essays a student must write? Have you learnt to PEE? Because there is no evidence of it here. The Whistleblower response was written in the satire section (as opposed to the original being in lifestyle, suggesting it was a serious article about student life), and clearly stated that it was a response to this article. That’s context, that’s referencing, that’s clear parody. If this was meant as parody, then it is extremely poor and lazy writing, rushed out with no thought. If it was a serious article, then it should be condemned for its immorality and sexism. I stand by the fact, that if this was written by a male, that male would be hung, drawn and quartered. I apologise if this seems rude, I apologise for rambling slightly, but this article offended me and my friends, and I just want to have my say.

  12. With all due respect, Lifestyle articles and all SCAN articles aren’t supposed to be written like academic pieces of work- that would take the fun out of it! We respect that this piece has received mixed reviews and thank you for your contributions but I don’t feel like any new points are being raised, what’s been done has been done with good reason, therefore feel maybe it’s a good time put to put this debate to bed??

  13. “Lifestyle articles and all SCAN articles aren?t supposed to be written like academic pieces of work – that would take the fun out of it!”

    It was the content, not the tone or the ‘sense of fun’, that riled people.

  14. I second that point. I took issue with this work because it was sexist not because it was badly written.

  15. I’m not suggesting the article should be written like an essay, but as a piece of journalism, there are certain qualities of writing, similar to that of a student essay, that should’ve been followed. It may not be academic writing, but still should’ve been given context and referencing if it was meant to be parody, things we learn from writing essays. I am most angered by the article due to its sexism, but the arguments that it was meant to be a take on writing in lifestyle magazines would have worked had the article provided some context, therefore giving it reason to be as sexist as it did. Articles can be fun, but they should still be of a professional standard if they are to appear in what appears to be a professional looking newspaper. If you’re not willing to write to that sort of standard, expect to be scrutinised in this manner.

  16. Which parts are people finding particularly sexist? I can?t quite work out if it?s the author finding members of the opposite sex attractive or the fact she eluded to the lack of attractive males at Lancaster?

    In this case it seems to be individuals taking offence on a matter of interpretation. On a base level if we ask the underlying questions. Are the actions of the author within the gym discriminatory and therefore sexist? No. Does the author write with the intent to negatively stereotype or discriminate against the opposite sex? No. Is she negatively objectifying these men? No. I think if anything we can simply conclude that she?s straight, and a bum lady. Do people really believe from this article that the author holds sexist views? The honest answer from everybody I?m sure is ultimately, No. I think it?s quite clear the author and her actions are not an example of a grassroots problem of gender inequality in society. I think people are mistaking their prude views with sexism.

    I totally agree, gender equality is a big issue, and personally I?m always pleased to see it brought up and debated. Wage differentials, glass ceilings, old fashioned views of a woman?s/man?s place in the home etc are the issues to address, not that age old problem of both sexes getting distracted by each other?s behinds. If we?re discussing context, what the author described in this article is observed in every single gym up and down the country from both sexes. It is observed everywhere that people congregate together. Members of the opposite sex (or same sex) look at each other and find each other attractive. Clearly this was aimed at the regular gym goer and has brought to light the unspoken ?ogling/gawping? that ensues everywhere. I?m sure this will undoubtedly have brought a smile to all who do regularly attend the gym.

    As for the Whistleblower. What a laugh a minute that paper is. Their apology on facebook did make me smile. ?When it comes to a choice between taking the moral high ground or effecting greater positive political change through the content within the pages of this paper as editor I will always chose the latter.? I look forward to more of these articles aimed at ?political change? in between the pages of profanities, the best sex toys for guys/ girls and the ?share your naughty stories from around campus? (Jane and her boyfriend having a Barry White moment in the children?s park by George fox was a particular highlight).

  17. No one i met found it at all funny. If you are unable to work out why people found the article sexist that is not my problem. But it does indicate a worrying disconnect in your judgement.

    In this case it seems to be individuals taking offence on a matter of interpretation. On a base level if we ask the underlying questions. Are the actions of the author within the gym discriminatory and therefore sexist? No. Does the author write with the intent to negatively stereotype or discriminate against the opposite sex? No. Is she negatively objectifying these men? No. I think if anything we can simply conclude that she?s straight, and a bum lady. Do people really believe from this article that the author holds sexist views? The honest answer from everybody I?m sure is ultimately, No. I think it?s quite clear the author and her actions are not an example of a grassroots problem of gender inequality in society. I think people are mistaking their prude views with sexism.

    – Nice to know you think you can summarise the thoughts of people on campus, when every person i have shown this article to has found it offensive. What indication did you give that this piece was written in a “joking light hearted way”? well? How staggeringly condescending of you. Perhaps this explains why such pieces get printed in the first place.

    Also thanks for so off handly dismissing independent papers, when so many people dedicate so much of thier spare time and effort to provide an alternative to your work. There’s a very good reason people are willing to do this, i’ll let you figure out why for yourself. And by the way, If you can’t handle pictures of sex toys and silly stories without getting poe faced, don’t read it. But don’t take your offense and use it to belittle other peoples attempts to make a difference.

  18. In no way was I attempting to summarise the view of everybody on campus. By this ?If you are unable to work out why people found the article sexist that is not my problem. But it does indicate a worrying disconnect in your judgement,? You do seem to infer that anybody on campus opposed to your views lacks rational judgement. We could go round in circles on this. So let?s not.

    So, a question for you. Hypothetically, were the actions within the gym by the author recognised as sexist and a course of action were to be proposed to right this discrimination? What would be the solution in your view? Do you support the need for the author (and others like her that engage in gym gawping) to be re-educated on her sexist views of men, and respect all men?s right to not be looked at within the gym from women? I presume you would not stand for any form of sexism or discrimination away from your keyboard? Therefore, would you actively upon seeing this discriminatory behaviour in your local gym inform the perpetrator of her sexist actions and relay this to gym management? I (tentatively) presume that you would agree wholeheartedly with this course of action. Seems a little ridiculous doesn?t it? It seems to be the fact the author has admitted her gawping in written prose that has created the environment for someone to take offence. I?m simply debating the argument here in relation to context; arguably taking offence to this may be out of context. I encourage you to immerse yourself within the context, any weekday after 5pm the gym gets very overcrowded. Go see firsthand for yourself the point I?m pushing, that this article is describing the ?joking, light hearted? gym ogling that occurs each and every day in gyms across the country.

    Ultimately I do not disagree with yourself and other?s right to object, and fully support the underlying aims of raising the issue of gender inequality. More so, the trivialisation of such an important issue as gender inequality, when the centre of the debate is focused on the appropriateness of a young lady looking at a man?s arse or not.

    I?m not poopooing the efforts of others Laurence, I?m simply giving my opinion on the quality of the alternative (I have no affiliation with scan I should add). I was extremely glad to see an alternative to scan and was looking forward to reading it. I?m simply a disappointed consumer airing my opinion. I shall follow your advice and discontinue reading in future.

  19. ‘I think if anything we can simply conclude that she?s straight, and a bum lady.’
    This is true :’)
    Sorry if I offended anyone, it was a bit of fun! Get over it now?

  20. The sexism of the article is quite straightforward, very simply, if a man wrote this article he would quite simply be fired and rightly so. The objectification of anyone is base and unacceptable, especially when such stalking behaviour is involved. We don’t need to go round in circles because it’s clear that the peice was either a failed attempt at humour or just out an out creepy. And by the way what possible evidence do you have that this was not a product of grass roots sexism? When it was written in a supposedly serious section of the paper and no indication was given that it was not a serious piece.

    Sorry mark, your question was too rambling and incoherent for me to understand but the upshot is that, yes i do go the the gym regularly and of course would quite happily intervene if i thought someone was being victimized. Be it male or female. I don’t understand why you would think that would be ridiculous. Going to the gym to perv out on people is flat out unacceptable behaviour, at best you are distracting people and it is bad etiqutte. Stop trivialising this issue.

    Ella if you are going to appologise atleast do it with a modicum of sincerity. “Sorry IF i offended anyone” – what do you mean “IF” you quite blatently did. And don’t tell me to get over it when i am quite clearly genuinely angry. Comments like that just indicate that you don’t care if people get upset. Which is fine, but i’d rather you’d just be honest about it.

    If you don’t want to read another paper mark, fine by me. I personally do not care what you do, but i won’t stand for people taking the mic.

  21. No you?re trivialising the issue, no you?re trivialising it. And so we come to the end of the debate. I think you understand full well the point I made concerning how this situation fits within the greater context of gender inequality. In your eyes the author is perverted and borderline sexual predator. In reality she has simply described the age old past time by both sexes of finding one another attractive and as a result getting distracted from the job at hand (in this case the gym). Anyway, I?ve made my point.

  22. Your assessment of the state of the debate is correct. i still maintain that the piece was either a failed attempt at tongue in cheek humour or offensive. The latter is obviously worse and i believe it was the indeed former but either way, pretty poor all in all. Nothing more to say.

  23. No Laurence, I really don’t care if i’ve upset anyone, I think that is what your missing here. You’ve posted some big long argument that i’ve not even bothered to read because quite frankly in my opinion if you don’t like what i’ve written, then don’t read it. It’s pretty simple. I’m sure if you picked up any gossip magazine intended for girls, you’d be even more offended because it’s much worse than what i’ve written. Seriously, find something worthwhile to do with your time instead of slating my article.

  24. I did, i wrote a satire of it. Good day.

  25. Ella, I find your comment very disturbing.

    You have to remember that SCAN is not your own newspaper. It the newspaper of the students’ union. It’s funded by LUSU which is funded by all students here. People make comments and criticisms on the article because they care about the newspaper and and they expect high standard from it. If you think you should not care what readers think of your work, you should bloody get your own blog.

    Other people have worked hard to build the paper’s reputation for many years. It’s really frustrating when contributors like you are tarnishing whatever is left of that with their poor taste and judgement. Your arrogance and ignorance are a appalling. Some humility on your part wouldn’t hurt.

    An apology and a break from writing for SCAN would be appropriate and very much appreciated.

  26. Khairil, with all due respect, I think if anyone writing an article took to heart what 4 or 5 people said about it, then their writing would change to cater for them; something I’m not going to do. I wrote this as a bit of fun, yet somehow a huge debate sprung from it which I can see why, but I’m not being phased by it; I wanted to write this in the way that I wrote it and I have and anyone with a problem about it, fair play they have a problem, but that’s not for me deal with. You commented saying;
    ‘Doh! Seems like people who don?t get this article have never read the other ones in lifestyle section and have totally missed the point that it is meant for crude creative writings.
    Y U no have sense of humour?’
    So your basically saying that anyone writing in the lifestyle section writes crude creating writings; that’s for you to judge and i’m really not bothered by it. I’m not apologising to anyone, the editor of the Lifestyle section liked it and the editor of Carolynne, it got published so what exactly have I done wrong to apologise for? If you think that about the Lifestyle section then, why read it and comment on articles?

  27. Khairil I think you are the last person who should comment on someones ‘arrogance and ignorance being appalling’ after just watching you at Candidates Questions for the FTO elections…

  28. Yes, of course. Ella, you are right. The editors seem to be very pleased with your work. I guess you should keep it up. The editors don’t have to show accountability even though the paper is paid for by other people’s money. I suppose this fine since other students at the university are not complaining. After all SCAN today is entirely their work and nobody else’s. We should thank them for their hard work. They deserve all the credits for how successful the newspaper today.

    Thank you, Emma but I think you have failed to appreciate the difference. I acted in entirely personal capacity but our friend here is writing as a SCAN contributor. She’s bringing the paper, her editors and her fellow contributors to disrepute. And if you would like to refute what I said that night, please feel free to do it. I am prepared to support my what I said with facts and figures.

  29. its clear you find it easy to sit behind a keyboard and whine, Khairil. However as we have seen from your “campaign”, literally everything you say lacks substance, style and sense. May I suggest keeping rants like this to a youtube comments section? or perhaps a facebook status?

  30. Perhaps the SCAN website isn’t the best place to be airing personal grievances guys?

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