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January and February are the perfect months to start a diet or join the gym; which is exactly what me and my two friends have done. We bought some new trainers and booked our gym induction at the Sports Centre ready to sweat it out in the hope of losing a few pounds. However, when taking our tour around the gym we noticed the rare species that is; attractive males. They dominate this part of the university, flexing their toned masculine bodies, looking around with their chiselled jaw lines and putting everyone else to shame. That day marked the start of our gym gawping routine.
The weights room is the perfect place to begin this routine; with the scent of bare testosterone looming in the air, the perfect place for a good distraction on the small cardio section they have in the corner. You mount a machine, plug your headphones in and casually peer around the small, male filled room. The best way to enjoy this experience is if you don’t put your music on or switch on the TV, because then you can hear the pure grunting effort these men go to, to lift these weights- it’s the best soundtrack to your workout ever. Stick around for long enough and they may just take their tops off, that is a pure delight for the eyes. Of course, you can’t go making this too obvious; these guys are there to work out, not to be undressed with your eyes. So in the instance of an emergency, AKA you make eye contact and your jaw has hit the floor because he’s taken his top off and he has a perfect six pack, you need to firstly, stay calm. Now there’s two options here, either look away quickly or continue to stare but slowly close your mouth. The second one, as I have learnt, doesn’t work too well, they tend to leave because you look like a creep. I would stick with the first one, that way you can continue your perving in a few minutes and chances are he’ll work out harder because he knows you’re casually looking.
We then proceed to the upstairs region of the fitness suite. Now in times when this place is busy, it’s normally full of girls and old people and as most people are just too intimidated by the weights room they crowd up here. However the small arrangement of weight machines in the middle of the room makes a great viewing position to stare at someone’s fine behind without them even knowing. For example, there is a row of treadmills on both sides of the room. You find a sexy man, take up a perch on one of the machines behind him and enjoy his arse while you put your machine on a low setting so it looks like you’re doing something. This room isn’t the best place for gym gawping, however occasionally you’ll get someone come onto the machine next to you who is a fine vision and well, that’s just your lucky day. A few tips for in case this happens though; DO NOT do what I did. I recognised someone on the cross trainer next to me, thought I had him on Facebook, searched for him on the little LCD screen, found him, stalked his profile and made it so obvious that he looked at my screen. I left. If this happens, leave right away. You have come across as a creepy stalker and you’ve outstayed your welcome there. Move on to the pool.