Bachman needs to learn that killing defenceless animals is not big, clever or worthy of applause


In this day and age, it seems completely ridiculous that people still think it is okay to abuse animals. Modern society tends to concern itself with trying to reverse the negative effects that mankind has wrought upon the planet during the brief sneeze of time that we decided we owned the rights to it. Up until the 21st century, when we became much more conscious of how idiotic we’ve been, we considered it acceptable to abuse our planet by draining it of its natural resources and pursue animals into extinction. I personally, am devastated that I will never meet an animal with a hilarious name like Dodo.
This is not an eco rant, I assure you. The furious banging of my keyboard keys – which took place during the writing of this article and cannot be adequately expressed in the cool, calm, black and white of print – is directed at the absolute morons who still continue to treat animals with disrespect and downright cruelty. That’s right, Melissa Bachman, I’m looking at you.
This truly American idiot TV presenter recently went on a hunt in Africa, killing animals for no other reason than she felt like massaging her own ago and kill some defenceless wild animal for the fun of it. For that alone, I feel like punching her in the face. But, just to rub salt in the wound, this absolute genius decided to post photos of herself on social media, clutching her gun and smiling broadly as she towers over the corpses of various animals: lions, bears, zebras, and so on.
She captioned one photo of herself and her victim: “An incredible day hunting in South Africa! Stalked inside 60 yards on this beautiful male lion… what a hunt!” One blogger took to Buzzfeed, claiming that killing lions is cowardly and Bachman should be ashamed of herself. His point of view was that during a safari trip he once took, the lions were completely harmless. He claims that they used to calmly walk alongside his truck, waiting for it to stop so they could relax in the shade. Basically, lions are big, lazy cats – and I think it’s pretty clear by now how much I adore cats.
The outrage at Bachman’s insensitivity and cold-blooded kills has apparently prompted a petition by the people of South Africa to try and ban her from the country. But perhaps less time should be spent on keeping Bachman away from the border, and a petition should be put forward to ban this so-called ‘legal’ hunting. Bachman’s behaviour is abhorrent and appalling, but the fact that it was deemed appropriate and perfectly legal for her to kill animals that were in no way a threat to her – or anyone – is unbelievable. How about we tackle the root of the problem first South Africa?
I think one of the worst things about this whole scenario is how Bachman behaved. I understand that she presents wildlife shows and such like – over in the United States where they regularly hunt and kill animals like alligators without batting an eyelid – but I truly am disgusted at how she thought it was appropriate to post photos of these poor, lifeless creatures who did nothing to desire the horrible fate they will likely have suffered. Because let’s face it, I doubt Bachman was considerate enough to shoot a dart filled with chemicals that would give them a peaceful, delirious death.
Furthermore, what does she actually plan to do with these creatures? Because trophy rooms filled with the heads of prey are definitely a thing that should have been left in the seventeenth century. I guess this is just another example of how social media can be really destructive – I won’t bother talking about all the recent decapitations.
All in all, if anybody feels like gathering together some pitchforks and torches, I’m there.

Cartoon by Jordan David
Cartoon by Jordan David
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